Hiding in my Shadows
by cowgirlangel95
Summary: "The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do." To her friends, Riley is a ray of sunshine. But lately, an unnoticed cloud has covered up the sun and cast a shadow on the ground
_**Disclaimer: I don't own Girl Meets World**_

 _ **A/N: is at the end of the drabble. Please read it!**_

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" _The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do."_

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What she feared the most was that she didn't know what to do anymore.

It started when she wanted to hide her feelings for Lucas so her best friend could have some happiness. Then… everything went out of control. It wasn't just hiding her true feelings towards Lucas anymore – now she found herself hiding anything and everything towards her emotions from her friends, her family, and sometimes even herself. When she thought about it, she found it rather strange that she could hide her true emotions from herself, but it was amazing what one could hide behind a smile.

She learned all too quickly how to stuff her stuff and hide it all behind a smile. Suppressing her true feelings had become as easy as taking in a breath. In fact, that was when she did it. If she felt anything trying to crawl to the surface, somehow she would take ahold of it, breathe in and out, and push it back down and seal the lid. That is, until she was alone and released the pressure they were building up through silent tears. Riley feared that she couldn't take it much longer.

As she leaned against the shower wall and allowed the hot water to fall, she thought about how it felt – how it felt to feel so lost and utterly alone. The feeling that you were bothering everyone you talked to – even your own family. It was amazing how people's actions could affect her like this.

Her trying to hide something from her friends was nothing new. Although last time, Farkle was able to see through it since he, too, had experienced something similar. This time, however, Riley was certain none of her friends had experienced anything like this. She didn't want them to find out what it felt like. The pain was far too great. Riley may be able to hide it from her friends, but the shower was her sanctuary. Here, she could allow her tears to mix with the water streaming from the shower head – and no one could hear her. That, and Riley didn't know how she had become so distant with her friends. She wanted the brother and sister relationship with Lucas so she wouldn't lose him. While they were still friends, she felt as if she couldn't talk to him like she once could. Maya… while they joke a lot, it really bothered Riley how Maya suggested that she changed her hair (along with Farkle agreeing once he heard her plan about changing the bay window) or the way she dressed. Were they really jokes, though? Did they really think that way about her? Zay was… Zay is Zay. He can't keep his mouth shut to save his life.

 _I have a good life; I shouldn't be feeling this way_. _I don't have an excuse and I shouldn't be making excuses either,_ she tried reasoning to herself as the tears continued to fall. Riley was always taught to help others that were in need. But now that it was her turn to ask, she doesn't know how to scream out for help. Most of the time she tried to convince herself it was nothing and tuck it away. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself it was a dwarf she was facing, it was clearly a giant. The giant can only be kept at bay for so long without any aid.

Despite confronting it, Riley took a breath, buried her emotions in the dark corner of her mind, and shut off the water. _Stop thinking you have problems,_ a voice in the back of her mind told her. _No one in your shoes would, so stop making it up._

With a shaky breath, Riley muttered, "Okay," to the voice. She looked in the mirror after she had gotten dressed and put on her best smile – one that she wasn't sure she could keep for much longer. Now, even to her, it was starting to look fake.

 _ ***Author's Note, please read!***_

 _ **Hey all. I thought of this drabble before I came back from break, and the more time passed, the more I realized that I needed to get it out. The more the season progresses, the more I see myself in Riley – especially after Texas. I'm a quirky girl, loves math and science, ends up on the floor because it needs a hug (well, that's what I like to think. It's really because I'm a klutz), is driven by what I believe in, and would do**_ **anything** _ **for my friends. Heck, I even asked a guy "Why?" (after much stuttering) when he asked me if I wanted to do something on Valentine's Day. And sometimes I still ask myself why he would like me. But when it comes for asking for help I suck because so many people in my life treated me as a second hand friend. I constantly see people on tumblr asking how people could hate on Riley especially since she's a ray of sunshine. I have an answer, even though it may not be the best: people will do whatever they can to try and block that ray of sunshine in order to make themselves feel better. A huge chunk of the above is part of what I went through during high school, and for those who have read**_ **Broken Wings** _ **, you should see the connection. When it comes to Topanga treating Maya more like her daughter… I don't know, I haven't seen Legacy yet. But I feel there are some times where someone should be picking up on Riley's hints.**_

 _ **Anyway, let me know what you thought of it. cowgirlangel95 out!**_


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